May you bloom this Spring and every Spring to come.

 Somewhere along the road, you forgot about you. You forgot to put you first. You forgot to love you first. You forgot to heal first, to rest first, and simply to prioritize you. Yet, in the midst of the forgetfulness, the floating, the beating, the hurting, the curveballs, and the falls, you survived. Now it’s time to thrive. Time to cheer you on. Time to spoil you. To be the best you. Acknowledge the weak you. Emote the strong you. Learn, teach, and boost. Love ALL of you. May you bloom this Spring and every Spring to come. 🌸

“Scars only show us where we have been. They do not dictate where we are going.” Harrison Scott

Weight Lifted

She looked at herself in the mirror and could not believe what she saw. Ironically, her hair looked fine. She ran her hand over her dress to make sure that there were no wrinkles on it. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and could not believe that she was once again about to go through this. It had only been three years since she last found herself in this position. “You’ve been here before,” she thought. “You can do this,” she reassured herself. This was not the saddest day of her life, so why did she not like what she saw in the mirror? 

Everything was about to change. She walked to the closet and grabbed a pair of black heels with a red bow on the side. “Here we go,” she thought. It was about three o’clock in the afternoon when Elenore finished getting ready. Her stomach growled, but she skipped lunch anyway. This was not the first time she had done so. She was used to it. She had been pensive all morning long. She paced the room over and over again. It was almost time and she did not want to be late. After all, this was a big day. Finally, she headed out the door. Everything was about to change. 

Elenor felt her chest tighten as she approached the parking lot filled with cars. “Three years,” she thought. So many people are going to be there. She instructed the driver to continue driving. She could not bear the thought. She was terrified. She was not terrified by the event itself, but by what would follow after. She had spent a lot of time practicing her speech. Did she believe what she wrote? After all, she felt betrayed, hurt, and then numb for so long, she could not believe that this was happening again. Did she deserve to be happy again? “I forgive you,” she thought and began to cry. At last, she decided to let him go. “Turn around,” she said as she smiled. 

 Nephtalie

Parallel

Surrounded by so many people couldn’t be any lonelier. People see the surface. The assumed the depth. Yet, they haven’t even begun to even shake the barrier.

Maybe I knew her.

It’s so easy for people to tell you about you. They know your likes, dislikes, and your personality. In reality, they have an idea of who you might be. The “you” that they know, is only a version of you. People are quick to point out that you’ve changed and that they don’t like it. Well, they don’t understand it. Some people don’t even try.

The “old” you. Who the hell is that? Oh, how they miss the “old” you! Sure! I miss the old me too. Whoever that was. But, she was a crucial part of the me that I am today. In fact, I’m not “new”. I’ve been hurt. I’ve mistrusted. I’ve loved. I’ve tried to hate. It wasn’t successful. I’ve been heartbroken. I’ve been happy.  I have grown.  I’ve adapted.

“You don’t look like your bubbly self today.” Umm, oké. Who the hell is she? I would love to meet her.

How do you know who I am? How did you come to the conclusion that your version is who I am supposed to be my whole life? Am I not allowed to have bad days? Am I not allowed to dress down?  Everyday you see heels, I see sneakers. You see dress, I see jeans. I see make up, you see unnecessary  glamour. Perhaps, the “me” you know is the one worn out. Weary.

It’s easier to go along with your adaptation or version of me because even if I were to really tell you or show who t am, you wouldn’t get it. You’re too used to the “old” me. You like her better. Quite frankly, you might see a glimpse of her now and then, but she’s not all there is to me.

Faded

I called for you.

The real you

A ray of sunshine radiating through a thousand leagues under the sea

A remarkable star spotted standing alone expanding through the galaxy.

I look around and thoroughly scan the crowd,

Longing for a particular sentiment that is missing.

I don’t remember much about it, yet, I know was profound.

The only sign of it is the motion of this fragile organ in my chest compressing.

This crowd could melt in a freezer because they have a you.

Except for me who’s in misery, pale and blue.

I miss you.

I really do.

Your smile projected a plethora of warmth.

How come I can no longer feel that warmth?

It had a reassurance of safety, joy, and strength.

How come I can no longer identify that smile and feel that strength?

How come I don’t know where to look for it?

A lot has happened to cause joy. But, why do I feel so defeated?

I need you.

Please, come through.

There’s a void waiting to be filled.

There’s a purpose ought to be fulfilled.

Any length of misery that I want to flee

With that hole constantly growing , I don’t feel free.

I could play charade, write a script, pull a front, but I still won't be free.

Entangled in incomprehensible darkness, I'm fighting to find light.

Been portrayed and described through incredible words and art, and still, I don’t feel right.

Somewhere in the realm of time, you’ve become a mere memory of happiness.

Through all the sins that have been committed, this is the hardest one to confess.

Something with the air, that time, and your smile, caused my soul, my heart and your spirit to merge.

I wish that I could find it again before I go six feet under, cave in to the demons and submerge.

Nephtalie

People are busy. Schedules don’t correlate. Before you know it, you’ve wasted time as life’s gone by. Then you’re alone and regretful of the chances you didn’t take. Meanwhile, those people whom you were waiting on, they’ve made time for other people. They’ve had their moments. They’ve moved on. They already have an excuse, a priority and even an emergency. Once in a while, go out by yourself. Figure out what you like without the societal influence. Know you! Seek you! Love you! Be you!

Nephtalie

Know you! Seek you! Love you! Be you!

People are busy. Schedules don’t correlate. Before you know it, you’ve wasted time as life’s gone by. Then you’re alone and regretful of the chances you didn’t take. Meanwhile, those people whom you were waiting on, they’ve made time for other people. They’ve had their moments. Once in a while if not many times, go out by yourself. Figure out what you like without the societal influence. Know you! Seek you! Love you! Be you!

Nephtalie 

In times of doubt, remember...

I wanted to tell you that you are special and incredibly relevant. You are loved! Don't give up when the world gets tough.

Nephtalie

A friend in need is a friend indeed

Got Enlightened on those who cared and pretended to care. Often enough, Mum said:” se lè ou nan malè (lè gen maladi ak lanmó) pouw konn siw gen bon zanmi.” - A friend in need is a friend indeed. If they’re not available then, when will they be? No texts. No calls. No emails (for those of you who still email). No Direct message (those of you who are up to date with stuff). They don’t even check on you to see if you got out of the critical state. (Yeh, they know that you’re hospitalized.) Next, you have to move on with humility and grace. Be grateful that you are doing better and don’t stress over who didn’t visit. Instead, rejoice with those who did.

Observe. Confirm.

Mwen vin klè sou moun ki sousye yo e sa ki fè tankou yo sousye yo. Ase souvan, manmanm te konn di:” se lè ou nan malè (lè gen maladi ak lanmó) pouw konn siw gen bon zanmi.” Si yo pa la pou ou lè sa, kilè yap lap? Yo pa rele ni ekri. Menm yon lèt elektrononik (gen moun ki itilize metód sa toujou)... Menm yon mesaj dirèk (pou moun ki eklere yo)... Yo pa tcheke pou yo wè si ou nan bon eta (malgre yo te konnen ke w lopital). Answuit se avanse avèk imilite ak gras. Gen rekonesans paskew anfóm e pa bay tèt ou pwoblèm pou sa ki pat vizitew yo men rejwi avèk sa ki te vin vizitew yo. 

Obzève. Konfime. 

𝕹𝖊𝖕𝖍𝖙𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖊

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